This post is going to be a bit self-indulgent. I won't mind a bit if you are not interested in sharing a piece of my yoga journey; just scroll down for other stuff.
Do you practice yoga? If so, you are surely a victim of the allure of the yoga mat. You know what I'm talking about... you are carrying a load of laundry, thinking about dinner, mentally trying to figure out how you can get all 3 kids to their activities, when out of the corner of your eye, you see your yoga mat. Oooohh... I couldn't possibly... but, maybe just ONE downward dog, to stretch out my shoulders... Next thing you know, the laundry is on the floor and you are all stretched out and loving it. Maybe it's just one pose, maybe two or three, maybe 30 minutes. Then, you get on with your day, feeling a little bit... happier.
Well, this is the story of how I lost, then found, my yoga mojo. Actually, I didn't really lose it or find it; it just disappeared, then reappeared, when I was ready, just like "they" tell you it will.
Last summer, right before moving to Kansas City, I admit that I was totally overextended. I was teaching a few yoga classes each week, teaching knitting, my kids were involved in 4H, dance, soccer. I loved everything I was doing, and everything the kids were doing. I didn't want to quit anything, even though I could feel myself burning out. The energy was draining out of me; I wasn't doing anything well. I felt like I was busy nurturing everyone except myself.
So, the big move arrived. After the hustle, bustle and general misery of moving, I told myself I would have plenty of time to practice my yoga, for myself. And I did; but guess what? I had lost my yoga mojo. Totally gone. I would unroll my yoga mat, do a few half-hearted stretches, stare at the ceiling... nothing. I attended a couple of classes but, honestly, it felt like calisthenics to me. A month went by. Then another one. I wondered if I was done with yoga? I couldn't imagine my life without it, yet I wasn't compelled to practice, or read about it, or anything. I kept getting out my mat, hoping.... but, nothing happened.
There was no "aha!" moment. I didn't suddenly whirl into a yoga frenzy; it was very subtle. I decided to organize my yoga music on a separate shelf. I found one CD that I love and decided to listen while I got dressed. I started playing the music more and more, in the morning while cleaning, in the afternoon. One day, a yoga sequence popped into my mind and I just had to try it, so I did. It turned into a 45 minute practice, and it was back! I had rediscovered my yoga mojo!
I am not one of those fabulously flexible people. I don't walk around on one hand. I don't amaze people with my contortions. I'm just a middle-aged Mom with a stiff back and a lot of years of yoga experience. I find peace and joy in my yoga practice. I believe there was a lesson in my yoga void, probably more than one, and I'm anxious to explore each and every one of them. I think there is such beauty in being in the present moment and in not taking anything for granted. I believe that sometimes, you just need to take a break. I believe in learning from those who have gone before me, and in having confidence that things will happen in their own time, when it's right, when you are ready. Don't give up.